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I Just Like to Watch

I want to know who I'm looking at

I want to know who I'm talking to

I used to want to feel like I was necessary

Now I only want to be used

I want to know what I'm running from

When it's a dead end I'm running to

I used to want to be

What you want from me

Now I only want to consume

Fake pills, cheap highs

They didn't kill me the first time

Blocked all my sight

They only brought me ali-

I want to let it take me over

When there's nowhere else to hide

I used to want to feel

Like it was destiny

Now I want to burn it alive

So I want to fake it til it's over

But I want to feel like it's true

I used to want to look good for you

Now I only want to consume

Fake pills, cheap highs

They didn't kill me the first time

Blocked all my sight

They only brought me alive

'Til even through the high

I think I know what you did

And I think I know what you'll do

I'll feed it too much

Whet your appetite

You'll open wide

A matricide to swallow me up

I'll vow my love without condition

'Til complicit

Told to thank God that I get what I want

I'll give you too much

Never satisfied

You'll open wide

Won't hesitate to swallow me up

And if I'm silent I'm complicit

Bloody handed, like I did it

'Til I choose to decide

That I think I know what you did

It makes me sick

And I'm gonna tell

'Cause I think I know what you did

And I will make sure you're next

Veils

There's a thinning of the veil

They claim a sacred, perfect order

From your origin, cut from His rib

Created to be smaller

They'll raise you modest, let you seethe

Denigrate the weaker vessel

Say, "believe me when I say it's meant to be"

You're seeing through their veils

You see their perfect new religion

Now what if you're the sacred one?

Cruelly leashed up

Now you see through their visions

To raise you modest, bleed you dry

Worthy when he tethers up the left hand and says

"Donate your soul for mine

It's unconditional for life

And tell me that you feel it too

It's a sign"

It's a sign, ah

You're lifting up their veils

They speak impending doom, destruction

You insert wire hangers, drink GHB

Inseminate to fit their preference

They say

"Separate the higher meaning

Have a hotline, talk it out

Go heal your pleasure for his pleasing

Women's work to sort it out

The rage, it seethes

Slow, deep it breeds

'Cause was it meant to be?

You're born again to just bleed out

'Cause it's meant to be

That it's meant for me

That my power, my pleasure

It was taken from me

To be everything He wanted

All they want me to be

To be his apostolic princess

Private manic dream slut

Pretend everything they took was what I gave them because

I get everything I wanted

By being everything they wanted

Oh, I get everything I wanted

By being everything I wanted

When I take it back

Migraine/Headache

Stake the claim

And it comes back

Stay in bed

Fade to black

Hearing colors, seeing sound

Found a way out

Take what you need, take too much

Stomach bleed, electric shock

It'll keep you able if you can keep it down

Found a way out

Suddenly it's back and then

It's harder to believe

Can't kill it when it starts

And you feel it coming on again

Am I made sicker with control

Getting through what's getting old

You blame me, I'll blame you

Let's call it over

Suddenly it's back and then

It's harder to believe

Can't kill it when it starts

And you feel it coming on again

Feel it coming on again

Materialize

Bend me to your projections

All the things you wish I were for you

Slide your fingers up my spine

Shake my body, limbs until they move

How you want them to

I know the ending, I see the light

To hold in my hands what's hidden from my sight

But nothing that I recognize

Is anything materialized

With my hands I'll be the answer

With my hands I'll be the cure

With my hands I contort to fit the space between

The things you have

Things you're waiting for

But I feel it coming, I see the light

To hold in my hands what's hidden from my sight

It's a cold read, a palm trick angled from view

It's all that I've lost, it's all I've yet to lose

But nothing that I recognize

Is anything materialized

But I see it

I see it

I see it all

Sleeper

Under the blacklight, fighting the fall out

I guess it figures

I'm just the same as all that I was when I didn't know

Holding a hand out, for something to reach now

I know it's bigger

Than all of the places I wish that I could go

But it hurts, I'm ready

It calls, I'm ready

I'm ready to know

What's through the darkness

Bury the witness

When she's cold

If it hurts, I'm ready

It calls, I'm ready

I'm ready to show

One more rotation

Strange, the sensation

When it goes

Under the blacklight, forcing a feeling

Begging forgiveness

I feel so far from the place I ought to be

Holding a hand out, for something to reach now

Just to get bitten

In the violet light I saw you sharpening your teeth

But it hurts, I'm ready

It calls, I'm ready

I'm ready to know

What's through the darkness

Bury the witness

When she's cold

If it hurts, I'm ready

It calls, I'm ready

I'm ready to show

One more rotation

Strange, the sensation

When it goes

So speak through me

I want to know what it's like when it's real

If I'm called to be the blood in the water

You'll reach for me

Outstretched only to keep pushing me under

Cut me wide

Never as I seem

If you look inside

Would you see what I see?

If you cut me wide

Never as I seem

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